Some men think that dating today is like try to swim across an alligator infested lake. They might make it – and then again, they might not. Of course, there are always those men who make it look super easy.
All they have to do is exchange a few words with the woman they’re interested in and the next thing you know, that guy’s social calendar is booked solid. Too many men hesitate to put themselves out there for two reasons.
First, they don’t think they have what it takes to get the woman they like to say yes. Second, they think that there’s some kind of magical secret to picking up women.
They’re wrong on both counts. Any man can get a woman to say yes to a date or more. And there is no magic involved when it comes to the opposite sex. However, there is some knowledge about dating that can help you be more successful when you’re approaching a woman.
Her Body Language Speaks Louder Than Her Words
Too many men end up discouraged when it comes to women because they fail to pay attention to the clues. They meet a woman’s eye across a crowded room, walk over and introduce themselves – only to have her give a polite excuse and then leave.
Pay attention to the nonverbal messages that women send. When a woman is interested, there will be signs. Some of them will be subtler than other signs. You might notice her looking at you and her gaze lingers.
That’s a sign that she’s at least willing to have a conversation with you. At this point, some women will take the initiative and approach you. But more than half the time, a woman won’t approach a man.
Another sign that that she’s interested is that she’ll smile. This means she’s receptive and it’s up to you to take the next step. Many women will do subtle touching to show a man she’s interested.
She’ll touch his arm when she speaks to him. Or she’ll lean closer in a more intimate move. Some experts tell men that when a woman flicks her hair, that means she’s interested – but this is not always the case. Some women flick their hair out of habit.
It’s good to be able to tell if a woman is interested in you or not because that can help boost your confidence. No one likes to be rejected – and knowing that she’s open to meeting and talking to you can build your self-esteem.
However, there are times when the woman that you spot across the room makes your jaw drop and you really want to get to know her. But from what you can tell, she shows no sign whatsoever that she’s interested.
In fact, when you look at her, you might doubt yourself and think she’s too far out of your league for you to have a chance. This is a myth that far too many good men believe.
Countless women have been so burned by a relationship or are so tired of pickup lines that they give off vibes of not being interested. Having a woman become interested in you is all found in how you approach her.
If you approach her the wrong way, then you’re going to get shut down before you can say more than a few words. And that’s sad – because who knows what could have been. So the answer is to learn how to approach a woman successfully.
How to Approach a Woman
You don’t have to be a player to approach a woman. In fact, though players might be able to pick up a woman, they can’t sustain any kind of satisfying relationship because women are flat out tired of players.
The truth is that you can be yourself when you approach women. You don’t have to lie and try to build yourself up into being someone that you’re not. You don’t have to have any kind of fake approach technique, either.
What you do have to know is the art of flirting. This art is as old as the time. It’s that back and forth exchange of words or gestures that are all part of the relationship chase.
Both men and women enjoy this part of meeting someone. Everything is new and exciting and holds a lot of potential. You have to first realize that men and woman are so vastly different when it comes to relationships.
You might be thinking, “But I don’t want a relationship. I just want to pick up a woman.” That’s how your mind is working, but a woman is looking at you and wondering if you’re long term material in many instances.
You’ll be sized up at the same time you’re sizing her up. If you fail to measure up during the time she’s thinking about this, wondering if you’re long term material, you can kiss picking her up goodbye – much less anything more than that.
If you see a woman in a bar and she’s been hit on repeatedly and turned down every guy that’s offered to buy her a drink, you might think that you don’t have a chance.
But the problem is more women get hit on at a bar than any other place. She’s not playing hard to get. It could be that she’s become a little jaded because she’s heard so many lies and hype.
You have to be different. You need to act like a gentleman. Show awareness of how your actions might affect her. For example, if you walk up to a woman from behind and get her attention by tapping on her shoulder or speaking, this can put her on the defensive.
It’s always better to let a woman see you approach. If she has her back toward the room, walk up beside her, rather than behind her. Speak kindly and don’t be crude or vulgar.
The Art of Conversation
The biggest reason that so many men end up frustrated when they try to pick up a woman is because they try so hard yet can’t figure out where they went wrong when they keep getting a no rather than a yes.
Ninety percent of the time, this failure is found in the way that a man tries to talk to a woman. When a man is interested in a woman, he’ll sometimes open up the conversation and start talking.
And he’ll talk and talk and talk until she’s thinking what a bore he is. But the guy is thinking if he tells her all about himself, he’ll appear interesting and she’ll see how great the idea of the two of them going out is.
When men do this, not only do they tend to ramble on about stuff that makes women’s eyes glaze over, but they fail to realize that the woman isn’t truly listening.
Her eyes are darting around, looking for a way to extricate herself from the conversation. What a man should do is to stop focusing on himself. Stop trying to impress her and stop sounding like an overeager puppy.
When you try too hard, it doesn’t impress a woman. In fact, it backfires. She’ll see you as too needy and cut the conversation off. If this sounds like something that’s happened to you more often than not, it’s time to change your approach.
You have to forget about trying to impress her and let her draw her own conclusions. She’s going to anyway. When you’re having a conversation with a woman, you need to look her in the eye.
If you let your gaze travel lower, you’re not winning any points. Women hate it when men start talking to them, especially when meeting for the first time, and immediately stare at their chest.
This is the area where most men drop the ball. They just don’t know how to have to a conversation with a woman. It’s a lot different than talking to your buddies. Women not only are more emotional, but they will look for deeper meaning in a conversation than what might actually exist.
But don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because a woman is more emotional that she’s not as intelligence or capable of seeing beyond a pick up line.
Women know the lines men use in conversation, so forget about those and aim for genuine conversations instead. The way to have a winning conversation with a woman is fairly simple.
You have to show interest in her, not her body. Be interested in her life. Find out what she does for work – what her hobbies are. You can ask questions about her beliefs in certain trending topics.
If she’s responding in short, cryptic answers, she could feel threatened by all of the questions you’re asking, as if you’re too nosy. For every good guy that tries to pick up a woman, there are five weirdoes who’ve already tried, so that could explain her caution.
Men ultimately want to have conversations that lead back to his or her place. That’s not a negative notation about men. It’s a biological factor in the way men are built.
But women want to have conversations to be heard, to be understood. When a woman feels that a man has heard her, that he’s understood her, she’ll be more open to going home with him or with dating him.
Don’t Be Afraid to Act like a Man
Despite all of the things you might have read in articles or in books that talk about how a woman wants a sweet man who will worship the ground she walks on, women don’t always want that.
You know why the movies that are known as “chick flicks” are so popular among women and their friends? Because the hero acts like a man and he treats the heroine like a woman. And maybe there’s some tension between them at first – a chase.
Women want men who don’t pretend to be something they’re not. They want a man who will be kind and treat her with respect, not one who hands over his man card.
Women don’t want to lead or follow when it comes to relationships – even short term pick up ones. They’re looking for an equal partner – a man who isn’t afraid to stand up for her, for what he believes in and one who won’t lose himself just to make a score or keep a relationship.
If you’re interested in picking up a woman, don’t view her as someone who’s there to make your life easier. Too many men view women as compassionate (and they are) but when you meet a woman, don’t dump all of your dirt on her.
She’s probably got enough to deal with without carrying around your problems, too. Besides that, if you start treating her like you can “tell her anything,” that causes all of the mystery to leak from the relationship.
There’s nothing for her to discover about you because you’ve told her everything on the first date. When you make a woman feel sorry for your tough lot in life, or you go on and on about yourself, you’re on dangerous ground – because this is the fast track to the friend zone.
Regardless of whether things are rough for you or not, or if you just like talking about yourself, don’t treat the woman you’re interested in like your therapist – or you might find that she suggests you see one.
If you’re trying to pick up a woman, there are certain things you can say or do that will get her attention. You can compliment her. Tell her that her hair looks nice.
Comment on her perfume or what she’s wearing. Most women don’t get compliments. Not because men don’t think about it, but because they don’t say it. Making romantic comments and performing romantic gestures mean a lot to women.
They make you stand out as a man, because the majority of men don’t think along these lines – so women really notice when it happens. These gestures can be simple things like opening up a car or restaurant door for her, helping her with her coat, etc.
It’s not that she’s not capable of these things, but it makes you more attractive when you do gentlemanly things like this. If you’re trying to pick up a woman, you want to avoid those old eye-rolling pick up lines.
“Come here often?” or “I couldn’t help but notice you” are both lines that will turn off most women. She’s heard those a hundred times or more. Don’t use pick up lines.
Act like a man – even when you’re trying to pick up a woman. It’s okay to say, “I’m not very good at approaching women, but I am good at two-stepping/swing dancing, etc.”
Just say something that you’d normally say. And if you’re thinking of saying something along the lines of, “Want to go back to my place?” to a woman you just met and haven’t really even talked to, then you’ve already blown it.
Coming on to a woman that you haven’t even put any effort into getting to know, even if it’s a brief attempt, isn’t manly. It makes you look desperate and women will run from it.
Confidence Helps You Seal the Deal
Not only does a woman’s body language speak louder than her words, but so does yours. It’s okay if you’re (by nature) the kind of guy who’s shy. But, unfortunately, that doesn’t translate well in the dating scene.
Those shy, quiet guys who never know what to say or how to act only end up with the women they want in the movies. It’s not like that in real life. In real life, it’s the guy who has confidence in himself who ends up taking home the girl or getting into a dating relationship with her.
Of course, habits of a lifetime can be difficult to break – especially if you’ve experienced one round of rejection after another. If you’re not sure that you have the confidence that you need and this fear is holding you back, then you need to get some help to overcome this.
There are plenty of great programs that help you learn dating tips and techniques that will bolster your self-confidence. Many studies have shown that when a man isn’t confident, it can be traced back to internalizing criticism and rejection.
This causes a man to develop a negative belief about himself that manifests itself in his actions. Men who have a lack of confidence walk differently, they talk differently and they often go home alone because they’re afraid of yet another rejection.
Here’s something that you might not realize. There are women out there who are experiencing the exact same thing that you are. They are women who don’t know what to say or how to act – and they want to date, they want to go home with the guy – but they end up going home alone.
The key to overcoming a lack of confidence is found in doing whatever it takes to develop better self esteem. You do this by becoming good at the very thing that you feel you’re weakest at.
For some men, this will be having a conversation with a woman. For other men, this will be in the art of the follow through. By learning how to be become confident, you’ll discover that it’s easier to approach women with ease.
It will also be easier to get them to go back to your place. Plus, you’ll find plenty of women for both short and long term dating. You can find this confidence through online courses, through programs, by self-help materials, experience and more.